How To Handle Children During A Separation Or Divorce

By: Nicholl McGuire

1. Dont argue in front of them.

2. Leave your new mates out of the transition process. For instance, they dont need to be the one who drops them off, walk up to your exs doorstep, or even be seen riding with the new girlfriend or boyfriend in the car. On occasion you may be riding with him or her, but dont make it a habit. Sometimes children just want that time with dad or mom to themselves.

3. Answer questions when the children ask. Discuss possible questions they may ask beforehand with the ex so that both of you will be repeating the same story. They may want to know why mommy and daddy are not together a thousand times, answer them a thousand times.

4. Tell the truth about your feelings toward your ex, once the child is an adult and initiates the conversation. Dont volunteer information.

5. Make the childrens environment pleasant when they come to visit. Clean and comfortable. New bed sheets, cabinets and drawers they can place their toys in, favorite pictures hanging on the walls, a new toy and plans to go somewhere that is fun. Be sure to have favorite foods and treats in the refrigerator and in cabinets, but not in excess. They still need to eat healthy! Dont watch adult movies, leave adult magazines lying around, look at adult images on the computer and listen to music around them that you know is inappropriate.

6. If you and the new girl or boyfriend, do not live together, then make the time they are visiting for your children. If the children will be staying for the whole summer, then fit in time to spend with her or him, but try not to make it daily. Children will get jealous. Dont include the mate in all the family activities, go some places without her or him.

7. When children are suddenly misbehaving more, talk with them. Find out how they feel about mom and dad separating, two separate houses, babysitters, the new mate and whatever else you may think are causing the change in behavior.

8. Dont talk negatively about your ex to the children or in front of them. Conversations about the ex should occur when the children arent around. Be sure they are not hiding somewhere in the house eavesdropping on your conversations.

9. Avoid drugs and drinking alcohol around your children. They will tell someone about your partying to someone no matter how much you tell them not to tell.

10. Dont get your children involved in adult matters. If you lost your job, got caught in a scandal, went to jail, broke up with your girl or boyfriend, etc. Be vague when talking to them, it isnt necessary to give them all the details. Children sometimes will take mom and dads pain personally and will react in ways that we dont quite understand. Remember they are children, not adults allow them to enjoy their childhood. Preserve their innocence.


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