Networking - Questioning the Status Quo

By Greg Peters

Recently I was at a networking lunch where I was chatting with a new acquaintance. We were hitting it off rather nicely when suddenly we were interrupted by a woman who, with no preamble, asked us if, in our businesses, we were ever responsible for arranging groups of hotel rooms (guess what she does for a living!). When both of us said no, she handed us each her card - just in case -- and moved on to the next victim. I'd give you her name, but I seem to have "misplaced" the card.

We all know that networking is all about making and improving our relationships. The best way to do this is through the process of asking questions. This person probably thought that she was being a good networker. The problem is that, while she was asking questions, she wasn't asking the right ones.

How could she have improved her performance?

First of all, networking is a conversation, not a commercial. As Scott Ginsberg would say "Interaction, not interruption." We do want to be efficient with our networking time, but not at the cost of losing our effectiveness. She would have been much better off taking part in the conversation first. Just because it's called "small" talk doesn't mean it is of little importance.

Of course, a good networker should always be aware of the body language of the conversation she wishes to join. If the two people are standing shoulder to shoulder and looking out to at the room, or even if they are at a slight angle to each other, chances are that they wouldn't be averse to someone approaching. If, however, they are more or less facing each other and have their heads close together, then it might be better to seek a different group.

The actual act of joining in is best served by asking a question. The good networker asks for clarification on a point or the meaning of some technical term. This simple act will make the members of the existing grouping feel knowledgeable and make them willing to include her in the conversation. Trying to jump in with an "expert" opinion, on the other hand, would make her look like an intruder. Stealing the punchline to a joke might get her shot.

While my erstwhile hotel room expert, technically asked us questions, they certainly weren't about the conversational topic at hand. Those she did ask were only in the context of whether she could sell to us. Assuming she had gracefully entered our chat, she probably would have been better served finding out a bit more about us than just our businesses. After all, we are more than just our work. She could have asked about my hobbies or even what breakfast cereal I loved as a child and gotten further ahead with me.

Finally, she could also have realized that even though neither of us were likely to be good prospects for her, it was entirely possible that we might know people who would be. I don't usually wear my various group affiliations on my name badge, so how do you think she might have found out that information? You're right! Asking questions. Now she might have used the blunt instrument of "Do you know anyone who might want to buy from me?" but a better one might be "So, have you attended any other networking groups?" or even "Would you have any recommendations for me regarding great networking opportunities?"

At the end, she should have remembered that, all things being equal, we are more likely to work with people we like. In fact, things don't even have to be all that equal. I'm far more likely to make a referral to someone I like than to someone who is just "dealing the deck". So, in the end, we are far better off taking a little more time to make a friend than to try (and fail) to make a sale.

Copyright 2007, All Rights Reserved.

Greg Peters is the owner and superhero-in-residence of Cyber Data Solutions. CDS has been helping website designers develop better web presence for their clients for more than a decade. We specialize in tools which help folks keep their websites up to date, fresh, and interesting. Visit us on the Web at www.cyberdatasolns.com to see how we can help your webmaster.

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